Dreamland, Unicorns and fairies
by Ifwaah Lala Cullen
Summary: I express my darkness with bright colors. My soul feeds on happiness. People's smiles make my lips turn up. I was healing. Then he came and tore my recovery. Now I'm hurting. He's my knight and kidnapper. I don't know where 'safe' is anymore. Help me...
1. Unusual Attire

"Come on my little Tinker..." Jasper whispered soothingly. I clung tighter to him never wanting to let go.

"Do we have to leave Jazzy? Please! I don't want to go. I've just gotten used to this new Doctor. Please...Don't make me do this!" I whimpered into his chest. Tenderly, he stroked my hair, trying to comfort me. Jasper was my best friend. He was my angel. If I had to take one thing into a desert island, I would take him. With no regrets. I _needed_ him. Living without him was my definition of hell. I couldn't do it. Even if I could, I didn't _want_ to. I just hated bringing him down with me. He could do so much more without me.

"Please Tinker? For me?" I glanced up through my lashes seeing his hopeful face. He always knew how to target my soft spot. If there was something I could do for him, buy for him, make for him, I would do it. Just to see the smile on his face. I nodded timidly. He smiled my favorite loop-sided southern smile and whispered

"Thanks Tink." I sighed. I guess we where going to Forks after all...

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Jasper held my hand all the way. Occasionally I would playfully whine about the long journey but he would just give my hand a reassuring squeeze. Finally, after 7 hours, 48 minutes and 23 seconds, we reached Forks.

"I've brought a house Tink, we live next to some Cullens'. I hope your okay with that." I stared and him shocked. _House?_ Yes..hmm...house! That meant money... a lot of money! My mouth opened instinctively to argue but Jazz cut me off before the scolding words left my mouth.

"I paid with half of the birthday money you gave me is well so technically, you did pay for some of it." I rolled my eyes at his logic and pouted. Jasper thought my expressions where deadly. He thought I hypnotize people with my eyes and my expressions. _I wish!_ But, if he thought my expressions could change some ones mind...then why not use it? He turned his head away before I could do my 'Heart-Breakingly Needing' look. I tugged on his shirt so he would pay attention to me. Still, he refused stubbornly.

"Uh-huh Tink. Not this time. Who knew there were such things as killer-fairies? Better warn the neighbors..." He muttered to himself, trailing off in the thought. I giggled. I never _really _used my expressions on a random person just so they give me something, that was just pain wrong. A definite no no. But with me and Jazz, we were the playful kind. Born to prank and play.

"Fine," I allowed finally, "Come on Jazzy! What are waiting for? Let's go!" I encouraged enthusiastically. I've never tried, but I'm pretty dang sure that living on our own will be a rocking adventure. I basically skipped into the house while Jasper jogged behind me smiling to himself. _Thanks Jasper, I know I'm weird, no need to shout it out. _I fiddled with the merciless lock until Jasper's hand replaced mine and he undid it in one graceful movement. I smiled at him sheepishly and he grinned knowingly back at me. I stepped through the house and was surprised to see it looking well made.

"I asked some cleaners to prepare everything. Y'know? I really hate packing and unpacking things. They take _ages._" He explained casually. _More money? _My eyes narrowed dangerously. He laughed putting his hands up in surrender, trying to make peace. I sighed. I guess there wasn't much I _could _do now. I was searching desperately for something to do. He made so many sacrifices. Jazz seamed to read my mind.

"You know Tink? I'm _really _hungry. And I _really_ want your home made chicken curry." He hinted. I grinned and skipped to the kitchen. While I did that, Jazz got himself relaxed and comfortable. And when I say comfortable, I mean _really _comfortable. He kicked off his shoes and socks then placed his feet on the brand new table.

"Jasper." I warned. He turned around looking at me with wide, questioning eyes. _Ha! No luck loser! _I'm _the one with the killer eyes!_

"Yes Tinkerbell?" He asked innocently. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Feet. Off. Now. Get your feet off the table or it'll be your meat in the curry and then I'll make _you _eat it." He shuddered for my satisfaction and removed his feet. I smiled smugly.

Dinner was normal, apart from Jazz licking his lips and moaning every 2 seconds telling me how great I was. But then again, he does that every time. He insisted on cleaning up as I made the food. So we had the little argument that we always have, and like always, Jasper won. (No hard feeling involved.) So _he_ did the dishes. Internal Sigh. Jasper said school stared tomorrow. Another mental sigh.

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_School! Yay! NOT! _I heard Jazz yawn as I stepped into his car. I grinned.

"Well, if you gave us a few nights to rest then maybe you would of been fine..." I told him trailing off suggestively so his mind could paint a picture of a peaceful sleep. He groaned. My grin got even wider.

"Come on! We don't want to be late on our first day, do we?"

"No, we don't." He agreed, starting the car. The journey was a quiet one. Occasionally I would hum and Jasper would play with my fingers. Finally, we got there. I slammed the door shut with necessary force before walking around it and to Jasper's hand. I took a deep, steadying breath and gave him a smile. He returned that smile and we headed for the school's office. The lady that greeted us was startled. Partly because we popped out of nowhere, but mostly because my attire wasn't the usual you get in school.

"Oh! Hello, dears, what could I do for you?" She asked in a warm tone, did I hear a hint of apprehensiveness in her voice? I smiled softly, trying to show her that I wasn't on of those big 'In-your-face' bullies. Her face was now clear of any emotion apart from the matching warmth of her voice.

"Can we have our schedules please? Jasper Whitlock and Isabella Swan." I told her softly. She nodded and reached in her draw. She pulled out two pink papers and handed them to us. We thanked her and got out. Me and Jasper both scanned our lessons and we only had _one _lesson together. _One. _I pouted looking up at Jazz. He had an empathetic look on his face. I glanced at the clock. 15 minutes till class. jazz noticed my distraction and sighed.

"Well, like you said, we wouldn't want to be late now, would we Tinker?" He asked. I shook my head sadly. He wrapped his arms around me giving my head a kiss.

"See you at lunch..." He whispered before leaving.

So there I stood. In the middle of a school. Totally lost. I fumbled with all the papers she gave to me searching for a map. Finally, I gave up. I was rubbish at reading maps anyway, it wouldn't do any good at all. I scanned the room for a friendly face, the only way I would get to class on time was with asking some one. My head whipped around for a whole three hundred and sixty degree search. Then I captured a pair of bright, sparkling eyes. Emerald oceans. They were staring directly at me. Blood rushed to my cheeks as I averted my eyes self-consciously. _Great! Now I made a fool of myself too! _Sigh. I'm such a doofus sometimes. At last I spotted a girl who looked quiet, shy, but intelligent. Those were my first impressions. Well, even if I didn't judge on looks I didn't want a loud puppy following me around all day.

I discovered her name was Angela and she had 2 classes with me. She was so amazing, the way she told me how she had to look after her twin brothers at the weekend while her parents had a night out. So selfless. And not once did she judge me because of my looks. Many people just randomly introduced themselves in the corridor, giving me a compliment. Others, (when I say other I mean the the girls in mini skirts and a a thick layer of fake tan) eyes me seethingly.

Now is the time you should know what I'm wearing. I didn't dress up in fancy clothes every day. I didn't make an effort, I was concerned with impressing others. Today I just threw some worn-out light-blue jeans and a top. Every one stared like I was an alien. But the real reason was probably because of the soft pink rose in my hair or my baby pink ballet flats or even the matching bracelets I wore. The bright color of them surprised people. However, the bright color to me was an escape. It was a way concentrate on something other then the pain inside. It was my way of showing my happiness. I was never at peace if my loved ones were hurting. So when I brought happiness to others. I brought happiness to myself. It put my soul at rest.

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The rest of the day was as normal as the first half. I didn't meet the green eyed man again in the day. Unfortunately, I might add. I couldn't deny the part of me that was eager to know who he was. One thing I did pick up on today though, were these rumors. Those 'others' where gossiping and giggling -quiet loudly is well- about some one called _Edward. _He was extremely gorgeous (or 'hot and sexy' as they called it.) I did want to see the guy, but then seeing how _many _girls where talking about him made me feel queasy. He obviously _wasn't_ a gentleman.

I quit thinking about these thoughts, I didn't know why I was thinking them in the first place. Jasper seemed more awake when he was driving back home. He was even whistling. I eyed him suspiciously. He must _really _be in a good mood. I sighed, exasperated.

"Okay, I'll bite. Why are you so happy Jazz, hunnie?" I asked, truly curious. The lightest shade of pink colored his cheeks. I stared at him, surprised. _Jasper's blushing? Your kidding! Seriously? _

"Nothing. Today was just a good day..." He told me airily. I smiled. He was happy, I was happy. Though I had to find out the source, give it to him more often so he whistles more often. How many times did I say the word often in that sentence? It felt like many more times than twice. _'Kay Bella, now your just plain weird. I know. _Sigh. _No need to shout it out. _


	2. The Overflowing Secret Holder

Currently, I'm just standing here in the corridor. Lost. _Again. _See, you can't be too harsh, I have no sweet Angela, or Mike, or Ben to guide me. I'm most likely to be late. I didn't even bother with the map today. What was the point? _Groan. Damn me! _Okay, now I was getting desperate. The corridors where almost deserted. Umm..wait. Yep, fully deserted, just me and my useless papers.

That's when I heard the footsteps behind me, I sighed in relief and turned around. There they were, the stunning green eyes that captivated me the moment I saw them. But they weren't looking at me, it seemed they didn't even notice my pretense. He just walked past me. I had no other choice.

"Please!" I called behind him, I could hear the desperation in my voice myself. And, boy, did I sound needy. "Excuse me? Please! Could you help me? Please! I'm lost!" He kept on walking like he never heard me. I turned around, tears stinging in my eyes. _Why _would_ anyone help me? _I sniffed as I took a look at the map again. Okay let's look at the logic and do this methodically. I checked my clock. 1 minute left. Okay. Where was I now? My eyes searched the room. I sighed, there was no sign. A few tears escaped the brim of my eyes. I'm so pathetic.

Suddenly, I felt cool fingers brushing the tears of my cheek. I flushed at the movement. I looked up to see the startling eyes I could never forget. I smiled weakly.

"It's okay," I whispered, "I'm just pathetic." I told him, a quiet laugh escaping my lips. I told you I was a doofus. He chuckled too. It took me a second to remember my original problem. "Um...sorry if I'm asking too much. But could you help me find my way to my class?" I asked nervously. He stared at me for a second. I was fighting, anxious under his gaze.

"Okay," He agreed easily, he had one very charming voice I must admit. "What's your next class?" He asked. I glanced at my schedule.

"Um...I think it's Biology..." He nodded and told me. "I'm going there too." I smiled. What a coincidence. Then he held out his hand.

"Cullen, Edward Cullen." He introduced himself, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly. My eyes widened just a fraction more but apart from that. I placed my hand in his firmly, giving it a tiny squeeze.

"I'm Bella Swan, it's very nice to meet you." I told him sincerely. Then _his_ eyes widened a fraction. I let go of his hand and smiled widely at him. "Come on! Where going to be late." I whined like a child, trying the lighten the mood. He chuckled and led the way. I followed behind him.

So this was the famous Edward. He was very good looking, and very gentleman-ly. I didn't expect _that. _Still, I'd only known him for a few minutes. I caught up with him and was now walking beside him. He glanced at me and I gave him a small smile. Yeah, I know. I smile a lot. He returned the smile and then stopped and gestured toward the door. I glanced at him for reassurance and knocked.

"Yes?" An unfamiliar voice asked. I peeked through the door and then opened it fully. All eyes were staring. I blushed and stared directly at the teacher, trying the ignore the other people.

"Umm...Sorry I'm late Sir. I got lost." I apologized. He waved it off and told me to sit down. So I took the seat I had yesterday.

"Edward? Finally cared to join us?" He asked, surprised. Edward sighed and nodded tragically. A few giggles erupted. Ah, _now_ I see. Edward walked to the seat next to me and sat.

"That's my seat you know." He whispered to me as the teacher started the lesson.

"Is it?" I asked, looking into his eyes directly.

"Uh-huh." He told me, staring back at me. I smiled.

"Are you saying that I'm going to stink up your chair? Are you accusing me of smelling like your armpits?" I questions, totally serious now. He grinned at me and nodded. I did my pout and the grin slipped off his face. _Oops! _I stopped pouting in an instant. _I guess we can be partners in crime, huh? _I turned to the front.

"Pay attention now, sweetheart." I murmured to Edward.

The lesson felt longer than it actually was. Mr Molina was surprised by my knowledge and kept on picking me for answers. More attention. Exactly what I need. Heavy sigh.

I was now extremely bored, so bored in fact that during the lesson, I subconsciously drew 'Kiss Me' in bold, beautiful letters. Sprinkled in color of course. And now I had the tingling, mischievousness feeling in my skin. And if there are two things that don't mix, they are a 'Kiss Me' letter and a mischievous feeling. So when the lesson ended, I turned to Edward with a sweet smile.

"I think you deserve a hug for being able to stand my smelliness, don't you think?" I asked shyly before wrapping my arms around his neck and sticking the letter on. I squeezed him for a second and then gave him a kiss on the cheek because of the letter. I smiles sweetly again, my cheeks a little flushed this time, and left.

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Just before I got into Jazz's car, I scanned the parking lot for a bronze head. Finally, I found him surrounded by a group of girls, lip-glossed kiss marks on his cheeks and...smiling. Uh-huh, you heard me, he was _smiling_. How unfair. He spotted me and smirked. I pouted (I was a safe distance away) and stomped my foot like a child. He laughed and the pout was replaced by a smile. I waved goodbye to him and got in.

When Jasper finally cared to join me he still had that ridiculously happy face on. I was becoming a little worried now. Me and Jasper were literally inseparable and we never had any secrets. If I had a secret, _he_ would be the first know. If he had a secret, _I_ would be the first know. But now... he just wouldn't tell me, no matter how many times I asked.

"Hey Jazz, sweetheart." I greeted him softly, a slightly dejected undertone to my voice. He didn't reply. He just started the car with a massive smile plastered on his face.

...What if it was me? I had been too much trouble, a heavy weight on his shoulders. What if he was tired of me?

I always knew Jasper had made a huge sacrifice to be with me. He left the family that didn't approve of me, he left a girlfriend that thought he spent more time with me then him. All those times. Everything he did. No matter how many words I said could tell him how sorry I was. But he always waved it off as if it didn't matter. It killed me to know that he would do those things for someone so worthless, so pointless, as me. It hurt me to see that he was speaking the truth about wanting to be with me. Because he shouldn't want to waste his future on me. I knew that he could potentially be risking a whole, beautiful family because of me.

So I tried to prison my agony. I tried not to show him my pain. I really did try to cover up my inner demon with smiles. But the layer of happiness is not always thick enough. It's easily cracked.

So while I looked normal on the outside. From inside I was dying.

My stomach twisted uncomfortable with all the negative feelings. My blood was becoming sour; poisoned. The air was gone too, strangling my lungs, I couldn't breath. My body felt hollow. And my eyes were suddenly dry, despite all the moisture in them. Like they were on fire, burning. I couldn't even feel my body anymore, it was like I was numbed with ice. This time fire and ice were not colliding in harmony. They were scraping, grinding, ripping, even tearing each other. Peace and love left the world. Everything became dark and cold, the color and the glowing sun gone. Warmth was now a distant memory. So was happiness. Everything I loved was gone. I was parted from my heart...

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All throughout making dinner, my mind was stuck in one place. That one thought. My eyes were glazed over with the image of the last petal on a rose. Delicate and old. Worn out, ready to sleep. I wanted to go home, I wanted to sleep with the angels tonight.

So that night, after Jasper was in bed...

I did it.


	3. Rocketing Graph

But just before I was going to, I crumbled. I couldn't. This was going to make him hate me more...I was meant to make it easier.

So instead, I ran and hid in my bed, like a child in the dark. I just cried and cried. Pouring my heart into the tears that escaped. Finally, what seemed like hours, sleep took over me. I accepted in gratefully.

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But when I woke up, it felt like morning came too soon. All my fears last night seemed silly, there could be a hundred different reasons to his happiness. But I was thankful that I didn't do it, the regret would of made me sick. I knew there were two options. Ask him or keep silent. It was a harder decision then I would of realized. But then again, I had always been the suffer in silence type, so one was easier then the other. However, today was going to be another happy, bright day and I wouldn't ruin that for either of us. So, the usual morning routine, today I was feeling green. Fresh and awake, alert, even a little happy.

Taking a deep breath. I looked at the staircase. Why did it seem shorter then usual? Had it lost a few steps? _'Kay Bells, be happy and just skip down... _I wanted to laugh at my little...crazy brain talking thing. _Skip and trip? _That wasn't going to go very well. So I squared my shoulders and took the first step like a strong, dignified women. _Strong? Dignified? You've _got _to be kidding me_. A few more steps later, my Jazzy came to view.

"Tinker! How did you sleep?" Friggin' weirdo that boy is, I tell you. So I gave him that x-ray body check and asked,

"Are you 'okay' sweetheart? We _can _go to the doctors if you want. I mean, I don't mind skipping a day of school for you, angel..." I told him significantly, trailing of in a very suggestive way. He replied with a twinkling laugh.

"I'm fine, Tinkerbell." He assured me in a very not-assuring voice. Did he...I mean...is he...gay? I swallowed. He wouldn't, would he? I looked him over again. "Just eat so we can leave." He commanded in a _very _eager voice. Oh god, did I just pee myself?

"I need to go to the bathroom!" I squeaked, running into the toilet. _Maybe he is ill. _Very _ill. _

It took a whole 10 minutes to regain control and go downstairs. His goofy grin and "Are you alright, sis?" Didn't help much either. I just got in the car empty stomached and got to school as soon as possible. Oh, and, silent journey if you were wondering. I couldn't rely on my stomach not to react to his happy-dappy voice.

As soon as one of my feet touched the ground, Mike's face appeared, and Jasper's disappeared. Mike was _very_ kind to me and it seemed almost awkward when he asked me to walk to my next class or when he offered me food at lunch. Whenever he hinted something inappropriate, I gave him a warning look. A very _clear _warning look. But he _always_ misreads it and it encourage's him more. (Cue the tragic sigh.) I just hope he stops before he decides to ask the... (Swallow.) The question. _Will you go to dinner with me? _

"Hi Bella! Can I walk you to your first class?"

"Er...'kay then Mike, let's go together?" The fact that he has the same class as me and isn't walking to the other side of the school to specifically drop me off, made it much better. He then beamed at me and offered his arm. I _tried_ smiling. Honestly, I did. But I couldn't hide my horror. I saw _his _smile falter so I re-brightened my smile again. I will not hurt him.

"I can't! I don't want to catch the weird virus that makes you fuzzy, do I, angel? You've got the worst case." I told him, dodging his offer lightly. It seemed to make him feel better, he laugh and joined me at my side.

"Come on, hunnie!"

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The day dragged on and on and on. I didn't see Jazz, but I'm sure he was fine. More then fine, sickly fine. Something was pecking the back of my head, demanding my attention. But the thing is, this little pecking thing was invisible, I didn't know what it was. Sigh.

Then the green eyes came to view and everything was clear.

"Sweetheart!" I sounded so relieved. Edward was the thing that I was thinking about. I just didn't know it.

"Hello Bella." His voice weird. Guarded and thick. A pleasant sort of thick. I gave him a strange look, but he just shook his head.

"Are you okay, love?" I asked, staring at him intently. He nodded, finally gaining a sensible expression to wear. I nodded, deep in thought. We the hell was wrong with everyone today? Was I just having one of those weird days? It must be, or I'm just going crazy. "Let's go to class, sweetie. Before we get late."

English was my favorite lesson, reading brilliant work could transform your current world into something magical. It is really hard for me to explain, even to myself. Reading was just indescribable, I guess. I changed the common phrase 'Your eyes are the windows to your soul' into 'Reading is the window to your soul.' Because it was, people wrote things that made me feel special, and surrounded by people that knew exactly what I was feeling. Sometimes I was so lonely, even when I was in the middle of a crowd. So I stepped inside the classroom, to open the windows of my soul...


	4. Deeper Burning

Opening the windows to my soul was much, _much_ harder then it firstly seemed. The windows seemed shut very tightly for some reason. Oh well, the windows didn't actually _need_ to be open.

...Why am I saying this as if there actually _are _windows to my soul? Silly me. What does have windows is my classroom. And Edward seemed very interested in them. I tried every possible way to get his eyes away from them but nothing worked. So after ten minutes (it seems like a very short time, but when your having a rubbish time, it goes _very_ slowly, trust me) I decided I had no choice. I stomped my foot on his, as hard as I could. He groaned and turned his head around to glare at me.

"Why the fuck did you do that? Are you fucking mad? I'm not fucking made of metal Bella!" He whisper-yelled to me. I raised my eyes brows at him. What a lovely way to be greeted?

"Well hello to you too, darling." The sarcasm in my voice was obvious, so he matched it with a sarcastic look.

"Hi." He replied coldly.

"Now what's wrong with you? Why are you ignoring me?" A thought slowly filled my mind. It filled my mind and ripped me apart. "Did I hurt you, angel?" I asked, horrified.

"No, no. Oh...fuck! Everything okay. Everything's fine. Stop worrying. I know your a girl but, seriously Bella. There's no fucking _need._" He assured me, obviously frustrated. I wasn't sure, but I could bet my life saying he was lying. He knew I realized he was lying. But turned away from me before I could ask. I picked up my pen sadly.

"Sorry." I whispered, brokenly. And that's how I felt, broken. I was just tired. Tired of the way I hurt everyone. My eyes felt weak. But I couldn't close them.

I sighed and moved my chair as far away from Edward's as the chair would allow. If I was near him I couldn't hurt him. At least not physically. I heard Edward sigh and -somehow- my head snapped up to look at his face. I looked away quickly, angry at myself._ No Bella. No._

"Come here Bella." He whispered, pulling my chair across the floor. That was a horrible mistake. The chair made the most _loud_ noise _and_, (oh, yes, there is an and) from the front of the class, came a loud, angry bark,

"Cullen!" I peeked at the front. A very angry looking teacher was staring at us. So I smiled innocently and sang out,

"Sorry Sir, I think this chair's a bit creaky!" I moved my hips a little to move the chair, away from Edward, I might add. He turned his murderous glare on me, it calmed after seeing my expression. No one, not even a teacher, could resist my expressions.

"Uh..it's fine then..uh...Bella..." He sounded very apologetic at least, the words coming out in a stumble, so I couldn't be sure. But I smiled at him sweetly anyway and picked up my pencil. Edward growled under his breath and and I turned to him surprised.

"Behave!" I whispered, shocked. He turned his dark gaze on me and took a few deep breaths, calming himself. His expression was smooth, but his eyes were still too dark. I shook my head at him, and started rummaging through my pencil case as a distraction. I picked out my rubber and placed it neatly next to where my pencil was placed before I picked it up. Maybe I have OCD too. Sigh.

I glanced up at the clock. Fifteen minutes left. Such a long time...

"Now, class." The teacher -Mr Berty, I think- cleared his throat. "I want you to discuss the benefits of using emotive language." He paused, and his eyes swept over the class. "In partners." He added, earning a groan from the class. _Why don't I just KISS my luck? As it's so kind to me? _I turned to Edward expectantly.

"Hi, again, angel." It was obvious that I was nervous. So it wasn't very nice when he started playing with me.

"So Bella, what _is _the exact purpose of using, as one could call it, emotive language?" He asked, his voice accentuating his noticeable English accents. To be honest, if I had a British accent, I'd never shut up.

"Well..um...I guess people can understand what your feeling and...um...relate?" He smiled an amused smile.

"So your brain _does _have some sense in it?" I narrowed my eyes at him in a dangerous way. Even his eyes were twinkling in amusement! I was entertaining him.

Thankfully, the bell rang. So I stuck my tongue out at him and turned away. Meanie.

I walked to lunch, stumbling in daze. Why hadn't I fell for Edward yet? Wasn't he supposed to be at his feet by now?

Now, I did try to rein in my curiosity. But it didn't quite work. So you can say it sort of slipped off my tongue when Angela was talking to me? She looked surprised but then answered my question. I was shocked that her voice sounded so...so..bitter. She always seemed so kind.

"You either fall to his feet the moment you see him or, if he feels your good, he'll take a few weeks to charm you. And then...he'll move on." My eyes widened.

"H-he'll j-just _move on_?" I felt nauseated. I wanted to curl up and be sick. Then Angela took my hands in hers.

"Please Bella, if you care about me. _Please_ don't fall in love with him. He won't be your happy ever after that you'll dream about. He'll hurt you too." He voice was soft, pleading. Her eyes showing nothing but truth. I stared att her for a long moment.

Could I be more hurt then I already am though?


End file.
